The first thing I did was the only sensible thing you do when you land in Warsaw coming from Porto on a warm summer weekend: I went to UNIQLO 🥳. That day I learned what it means to design better Human beings.

Being the impatient man that I am, I didn't want to go back and forth to the tryout room. I got shit to do. So I picked all the garments that I wanted and went to try them out all at once. What I saw taught me something dark about myself. I learned that I'm a shit person.

The tryout room was on the second floor (clue #1). I was shocked to see a large number of people queuing in front. Real talk, there were so many people you'd think it's a bread line in wartime Sarajevo. It was ungodly (clue #2). I stood away in panic looking around for a couple of minutes. The line didn't budge, It got longer. I was in trouble... (clue #3)

I stood face to face with a long line of handsome Polish people and a decision about who I wanted to be as a person. I already knew I wasn’t going to queue (Fuck that shit), but do I put the 6 items I picked back where I found them like a good boiii or do I bury them somewhere in the children's section where nobody has ever been? My knees buckled. It was go time...

You already know what I did, that’s why I’m telling you about it. I conclusively proved that I'm a bad person. After a few minutes of hesitation, I churned. I abandoned cart. I left the haul right then and there and disappeared like Anthony Hopkins at the end of Silence of the Lambs.

Guilty. No takebacks. Here goes the excuse train:

The question is not whether this is right or wrong. It's wrong, and it's entirely my fault. But I'm not sorry. I decided that I would do it again, more often. I reckon that if a store decides that they need one more aisle of clothes instead of two more dressing rooms that would solve their clear congestion problem, then they made a decision about the kind of people that shop there.

The thing about us folk who stand in line for 15 minutes to buy synthetic garments from evil corporations is that sometimes we leave our shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot, especially when the dressing rooms are suspiciously hidden and an unreasonably long line is covering them.

Sometimes we don't design just a user experience, sometimes we design the users themselves. This would never happen in an Asian branch of Uniqlo where they are designing better users. They don't extract my evils at Uniqlo in Denpasar. They allow me to be better than I really am.

And then If Uniqlo has the right to optimize their number of isles per square meter, why shouldn't I have the right to optimize my number of items bought per minute of shopping 🤔? We've already established that I'm a thoughtless cog in the consumption machine. Isn't that in line with their target persona? Huh? Huh? Science, bitch!

I'm not making excuses. I've proven that I am indeed a shit person. Not entirely, but I have bad in me and this is a nasty example that might warrant a talking to. Guilty as I am, I'm still entitled to discuss it.

I think that this is a lesson in reason. I don't know what is reasonable, but I know that it’s not reasonable to squeeze every centimeter of dignity out of an experience. “yeah, well if you wanna shop with us, you’re gonna have to stand in line like the consumerist NPC you are”. “Oh yeah? Well check out what I left you in the men’s section. I hope your buyers like them heels”

I feel ok being a bad person in defense against that. I would have never walked in if this very relevant fact was fairly communicated to me. You're free to bamboozle me, and I'm free to be a shit person. Your move, Uniqlo

If it matters, you'll be delighted to know that I'm a charitable person who gives to the needy and plants trees on tree day. This, as I'm sure you know, absolves me from all moral responsibility for my many evils.