On embodiment
On embodiment
The bodily inbox, dissecting signals, and the colors of exhaustion
The bodily inbox, dissecting signals, and the colors of exhaustion
Sep 7, 2024
When I had a bad run is the earlier months, I used to get this vague bad feeling.
What is that “bad feeling”? What does it consist of? Is it exhaustion? Is it boredom? Is it physical pain?
What I learned is that doing the work helps you refine that bad feeling into its constituents.
On a particular day, I might feel more physical pain because of sore legs, stiff joints, burning lungs, cramping back, tight calves, impinged shoulder, chafing thighs, swollen feet, etc... Those all used to register as the same thing: “I feel bad now. I need to stop.”
Exhaustion is the one that really surprised me. There are so many ways you can be tired. Running out of energy is just one type of exhaustion. There’s a few more. They all feel different, they all have different causes and remedies and they all used to register as the same signal: “This shit is hard. I need to stop now.”
There are many ways to be exhausted. And those ways come different varieties of their own.
Take running out of energy. There’s so many ways it takes hold of you. Are you under fueled? Have you not slept? Are you still under too much load? Chronic (last few weeks) or accute (this week)? Are you going too intensely beyond your body’s ability to produce energy moment to moment? Have you gone too long and your body is not used to doing this for this long? Is this just a 10 minute energy slump that will get better once everything is up and running or are we keeping this for the rest of the session?
These used to feel the same: “We’re tired now. We need to stop”. I now experience them as message in my brain that says I’m not feeling well. I scan it. I know what’s wrong: “Oh, I’m getting exhausted”. I dig deeper and I know precisely why. It happens very quickly, in seconds. I feel it becoming second nature, like it doesn’t even take any time anymore. I get the signal and my behavior changes accordingly without thinking.
What’s most interesting is that you get so good at this that you’re not evaluating the thing once it sets in. You feel it coming and make the necessary adjustments.
I guess it’s like coffee. First off, it’s just bad. Then you learn that bad can be too bitter, too acidic, too hot, stale, no body, no flavor. Each of those has its causes and remedies. I’m not there yet with coffee but I know there’s a difference between last year and now.
With my workouts, I’m building this intuition. It’s not strong yet but it’s a big jump from the vagueness I used to experience. I don’t know of anything as motivating as this ability to register the feedback of the machine. Makes you trust yourself because you’re not as likely to drive yourself into a hole. Makes you dare to take on more. Makes you build a healthy relationship with the body where you can trust it to carry you further.
When I had a bad run is the earlier months, I used to get this vague bad feeling.
What is that “bad feeling”? What does it consist of? Is it exhaustion? Is it boredom? Is it physical pain?
What I learned is that doing the work helps you refine that bad feeling into its constituents.
On a particular day, I might feel more physical pain because of sore legs, stiff joints, burning lungs, cramping back, tight calves, impinged shoulder, chafing thighs, swollen feet, etc... Those all used to register as the same thing: “I feel bad now. I need to stop.”
Exhaustion is the one that really surprised me. There are so many ways you can be tired. Running out of energy is just one type of exhaustion. There’s a few more. They all feel different, they all have different causes and remedies and they all used to register as the same signal: “This shit is hard. I need to stop now.”
There are many ways to be exhausted. And those ways come different varieties of their own.
Take running out of energy. There’s so many ways it takes hold of you. Are you under fueled? Have you not slept? Are you still under too much load? Chronic (last few weeks) or accute (this week)? Are you going too intensely beyond your body’s ability to produce energy moment to moment? Have you gone too long and your body is not used to doing this for this long? Is this just a 10 minute energy slump that will get better once everything is up and running or are we keeping this for the rest of the session?
These used to feel the same: “We’re tired now. We need to stop”. I now experience them as message in my brain that says I’m not feeling well. I scan it. I know what’s wrong: “Oh, I’m getting exhausted”. I dig deeper and I know precisely why. It happens very quickly, in seconds. I feel it becoming second nature, like it doesn’t even take any time anymore. I get the signal and my behavior changes accordingly without thinking.
What’s most interesting is that you get so good at this that you’re not evaluating the thing once it sets in. You feel it coming and make the necessary adjustments.
I guess it’s like coffee. First off, it’s just bad. Then you learn that bad can be too bitter, too acidic, too hot, stale, no body, no flavor. Each of those has its causes and remedies. I’m not there yet with coffee but I know there’s a difference between last year and now.
With my workouts, I’m building this intuition. It’s not strong yet but it’s a big jump from the vagueness I used to experience. I don’t know of anything as motivating as this ability to register the feedback of the machine. Makes you trust yourself because you’re not as likely to drive yourself into a hole. Makes you dare to take on more. Makes you build a healthy relationship with the body where you can trust it to carry you further.
