On priorities
On priorities
Trade-offs, solitude, and benching the stars
Trade-offs, solitude, and benching the stars
Aug 27, 2024
About a month in Lisbon and the loneliness is kicking in. I recognize it. This is akin to that first stint in Tallinn when November rolled in.
Didn’t talk to anyone in person for 3 weeks. Longest conversation took 15 seconds with a barista at a cafe downtown. She made incredible milk texture, you should have seen this, it was the perfect cappuccino.
I also spent an hour with a swimming instructor. we talked for maybe 15min total, the rest was spent with my head submerged in the frigid Atlantic fighting off panic, head tension and nausea, a far cry from the gold standard of human interaction.
I know what this is. I know how to get out of this. Logistics aren’t easy but I will make it work later this week or next week before this thing take hold of me. It’s much easier to solve now before it sinks in.
However, the real solutions to this can’t be reconciled with my plans. The day I signed up to do this, I knew exactly what it meant. It meant that I will not have time, much less the energy to invest in this. with 8 weeks to go, this ain’t time to venture out.
In all honestly, I always say this Ironman or not. But this commitment that I have taken on legitimizes my choice. The “A” priority isn’t one until something else with comparable value has to sit on the bench. For me, prioritization is not about picking what to focus on. That’s the easy part. What’s difficult is reconciling the things I chose to put aside.
It’s a painful thing to have to trod around a new city alone. But that’s how life is structured. It’s not supposed to be painless. Wherever there’s desire, there has to be priorities, and those breed pain over the other desires that remain unfulfilled. The trick is to pick what you can live with. I have no insight on that. I don’t think you can make it suck any less. I don’t think you’re supposed to.
It’s clear to me that I have the type of composition that allows me to swallow bitterness long enough to accrue the advantages of my long-term investments.
It’s also clear to me that I’m not one for pleasure or happiness and that I’m after different types positive experiences, namely those around meaning and truth. That’s where I seem to experience the most extended peaks of my experience.
Thankfully, it doesn’t seem that I must quit a camp entirely to experience the other. It’s just the case of another episode in this camp which I’ve come to know and frequent. Fuck this camp, man 😂
About a month in Lisbon and the loneliness is kicking in. I recognize it. This is akin to that first stint in Tallinn when November rolled in.
Didn’t talk to anyone in person for 3 weeks. Longest conversation took 15 seconds with a barista at a cafe downtown. She made incredible milk texture, you should have seen this, it was the perfect cappuccino.
I also spent an hour with a swimming instructor. we talked for maybe 15min total, the rest was spent with my head submerged in the frigid Atlantic fighting off panic, head tension and nausea, a far cry from the gold standard of human interaction.
I know what this is. I know how to get out of this. Logistics aren’t easy but I will make it work later this week or next week before this thing take hold of me. It’s much easier to solve now before it sinks in.
However, the real solutions to this can’t be reconciled with my plans. The day I signed up to do this, I knew exactly what it meant. It meant that I will not have time, much less the energy to invest in this. with 8 weeks to go, this ain’t time to venture out.
In all honestly, I always say this Ironman or not. But this commitment that I have taken on legitimizes my choice. The “A” priority isn’t one until something else with comparable value has to sit on the bench. For me, prioritization is not about picking what to focus on. That’s the easy part. What’s difficult is reconciling the things I chose to put aside.
It’s a painful thing to have to trod around a new city alone. But that’s how life is structured. It’s not supposed to be painless. Wherever there’s desire, there has to be priorities, and those breed pain over the other desires that remain unfulfilled. The trick is to pick what you can live with. I have no insight on that. I don’t think you can make it suck any less. I don’t think you’re supposed to.
It’s clear to me that I have the type of composition that allows me to swallow bitterness long enough to accrue the advantages of my long-term investments.
It’s also clear to me that I’m not one for pleasure or happiness and that I’m after different types positive experiences, namely those around meaning and truth. That’s where I seem to experience the most extended peaks of my experience.
Thankfully, it doesn’t seem that I must quit a camp entirely to experience the other. It’s just the case of another episode in this camp which I’ve come to know and frequent. Fuck this camp, man 😂
