On The
Mechanics Of
Underachievement

Delusional ambition, sticking to the plan, and doing it for long

Going too hard too fast, injury, and dangerous obliviousness

Outstanding performance, discontent, and self-cruelty

Momentary satisfaction, toxic self talk, and ephemeral pride

Rest, deloading, and the treachery of the self

The trees of the forest, becoming a swimmer, and small sample sizes

The psychology of continuity and the benefits of alternatives

Stopping the bleeding, atonement, and the words of god

The dirty work, low means, and beginning at the start line

Practice, the things we do in the dark, and exercising willpower

The end of motivation, the unravelling of the will, and the necessary fallback mechanism

Slow starts, quick progress, and calming the fuck down

Sitting in fear, invisible breaks, and a way beyond heroics

Pushing harder, consistency, and accepting the suck

Alternate currencies, the things we do with money, and why we don’t do things

Falling wheels, climbing out of wells, and flirting with red lines

Expectations, reality, and the calibration of bodily signals

Looming failure, responding to adversity, and meeting the man inside

Time horizons, objective data, and the appetite for risk

Exercising choice, Tibetan monks, and doing things for no reason

Estimates, going fishing, and the sounds of the skull

Habits, proof, and how far we’ve come

Principles, flimsy choices, and dumb decisions

Fitness, and well-disguised blessings, and learning the right way

Trade-offs, solitude, and benching the stars

The bodily inbox, dissecting signals, and the colors of exhaustion

Crashing, shock, and the reality of commitment

Instant replay, the heat of the moment, and lucky breaks

The part that I don’t understand

Consequences, tough decisions, and settling into reality

Evidence, projections, and hitting the last stretch

A look in the mirror, a painful memory, and the colors of hard work

Self forgery, drifting apart, and why it’s not a good idea

Sitting in failure, objective metrics, and the thing I tell myself to keep me going

Racing grandma, overachieving, and finishing at the start line

A looming DNF, a strange sense of calm, and making a stand

Real adversity, overwhelming realities, and the humbling of men

Responding in force, playing the game right, and sustainable effort

Drifting focus, staying on course, and an exorcism by failure

Productive delusion, the effect of a few days, and the lack of solutions

Three consecutive failures, winging it, and irrational good decisions

Success before the start line, the value of evidence, and the only moment of pride I ever felt

A the same strange calm, sharp focus, and a different man

Trends, simple equations, and the road home

Vantage points, the relativity of feelings, and when it all sinks in

The myth of starting from zero, racing vs finishing, and the invisible time sinks